6 SIGNS YOU ARE HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

Emotional affair starts out as friendship, so it can be confusing. Its not often easy to see when friendships has blossomed into something more. However, emotional affairs can be just destructive to a relationship as physical cheating.

“The important thing is to determine where a friendship crosses the line. It is a slippery slope from friend to emotional affair to a sexual relationship.” While the person involved may not feel sexual chemistry, he or she might still feel an intense sense of intimacy deep enough to make his or her partner feel it’s a form of infidelity - Dr Tammy Nelson (author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity)
 If you're not sure whether your special "friend" could threaten your relationship, these signs may tip you off.

1. You're Talking Badly  About Your Partner
One of the biggest red flags is that you're spending a lot of time talking to your crush about your primary relationship or marriage in a way your mate would find worrisome. It's one thing to complain about how your partner always leaves towels on the bathroom floor to your best friend, it's another to confide in a crush about how unhappy you've been in your relationship or about how your partner isn't giving you the emotional connection or satisfying sex you crave. If you're revealing feelings about your partner to your crush that you haven't even told your partner, this is a sure sign you're growing too emotionally attached to another person.

2.You're Trying to Be Alone With That Person
If you're putting yourself in high-risk situations like getting a drink or being alone with that person," then that could be a sign of trouble, too.
And, of course, social media has made it even easier to connect with people, including past flames, thereby potentially fostering a sense of intimacy.

3. You're Trying to Hide What You're Doing
Meeting a male friend for a drink is one thing — but if you're going out of your way to cover up everything you do, then it doesn't really take a rocket scientist to figure out that you feel at least a little guilty about what you're doing. Why else would you feel the need to hide so much?
If you're erasing his messages, neglecting to tell your partner about one-on-one meet-ups, and feeling guilty about your feelings, then there's a fair chance you're having an emotional affair, says Erika Boissiere, marriage and family therapist and founder of The Relationship Institute of San Francisco. Remember: Splitting the occasional pizza with a buddy shouldn't make you feel like a thief about to commit the ultimate heist.

4. You're Straight-Up Obsessed
 This is really a bad sign !The person completely fills your mind's mental space (you think about him/her constantly or obsessively)," Walfish says. "You find yourself modifying your routine/schedule to see the person more frequently, the quantity and frequency of contact with him/her increases, and your feelings for the other person deepen and intensify." Also, pay attention to the butterflies that may be buzzing around your tummy when he texts and don't ignore these emotional changes. It's like those innocent crushes you had in middle school — only there's way more at stake here.
And it would be remiss not to bring up sex. It's one thing to use the occasional thought of your crush as a way to rev up your libido — as long as the goal of this fantasy is to pleasure your partner and yourself. But, Boissiere says if you find your sex life unsatisfying because you secretly wish you could be sleeping with your crush instead of your actual partner, you have a problem.

5. You Long to Feel Desirable and Powerful In a Relationship
Many long-term relationships and marriages become "comfortable" after a few years and some partners may find themselves longing for a time when their spouse was electrified just by the sight of them. Instead of working together to bring back some of that passion and intensity, it's often easier to seek thrills outside of the relationship.
Affairs are a symptom of a relationship gone awry.
Since everybody's different, there's no universal answer to the burning question as to why you've turned to the guy from accounting for intimacy. But there's a chance it has more to do with your needs than it does your crush's perfect body.

6. You're Avoiding Real Intimacy With Your Partner
Never want to talk about real, meaningful things with your spouse? "Some folks use emotional affairs as a mechanism for avoiding true intimacy with their partner. They withhold communication of their feelings and share them with an outsider to keep a wedge between them and their spouse. Also, people who are attracted to married or committed folks usually feel unworthy and undeserving of a complete loving relationship that includes give and take/reciprocity — both emotionally and physically."


Here Are Signs Your Partner is Having An Emotional Affair

1. Your Sex Life Has Drastically Improved—or Dropped Off
When a person is having an emotional affair that hasn't yet turned physical, the frequency of sex with his or her partner can actually increase. "The passion for the one he desires is played out in the relationship he's already in," says psychotherapist Ginnie Love, Ph.D. Of course, every guy is different—for some, when there's an uptick in emotional intimacy with someone new, the level of sexual interest in his current partner takes a nose dive.

2. He/ She Seems Distant or Detached
If your partner is scoring attention and emotional support from someone else, he/she  might stop discussing the intricacies of his life with you. We only have so much emotional energy to go around, and our attention tends to go where we are most drawn. Over time, this can also lead to physical detachment. "If your partner is spending the time he previously spent with you on someone else, that is an immediate warning sign that needs to be addressed,"

3. Attitude Change
In addition to pulling away, he/ she may start praising his new obsession and criticizing you—say, throwing shade about your cooking skills or taste in movies, even though these aspects of your personality never seemed to bother him before. "This is especially dangerous territory because he may be unconsciously sizing you up," says Love, comparing you to a fantasy version of the other person and idealizing what it might be like to be with her.

4. His Tech Habits Have Changed
If he doesn't text very often and is suddenly glued to his phone or spends more time browsing on social media than he used to, this is a behavioral change that might signify something's up, says Love. And if he starts dodging details about who he's keeping in touch with, this could be a subtle admission of guilt. "On some level, he knows what he's doing isn't quite right and that you'd understandably feel jealous, so he avoids and evades, thinking that what you don't know won't hurt you," says Gail Saltz, M.D., psychiatrist and author of The Power of Different.

5. He Drops Her Name Constantly
We mention friends from time to time, but a constant name drop is disrespectful and inappropriate," says Love. It's basically an invitation for you to call him on it. And when you do, take note of his reaction. If he's super-defensive about their friendship, reiterates that there's nothing going on between them multiple times, or is super-forceful about wanting you to believe him, it might be time to take stock of his loyalty.

6. He Argues With You Differently
If you're hearing new and surprising comments from him in response to disagreements you've been having for a long time, it could be a sign that he's been spilling on your relationship issues with her, and then absorbing her commentary on them."Chances are these are her responses when he tells her about fights the two of you have, and he's taking them in and using them in your arguments.

WAY OUT!
Unless you plan on breaking things off with your significant half and committing to your crush, the first step to ending an affair (even an emotional one!) is to be honest with yourself and admit this is an affair, Saltz says. It isn't usually feasible to revert back to being just friends, so Saltz says the best course of action may be to cut ties with your crush completely.
Experts are split on whether you should tell your partner that you've been crushing on someone else (assuming you haven't made the leap to physical intimacy, which really does require your honesty and is a whole other issue to deal with), but both Hokemeyer and Walfish agree that doing so could just hurt his feelings and not help matters. One thing is certain: You wouldn't have had such a soul connection with your coworker if there weren't unresolved issues in your primary relationship. And Hokemeyer says it's crucial to address those problems and take steps to enhance the emotional connection in your actual, real relationship. One way to do that is to attend couple's therapy, which can help you both sort out your feelings under the guidance of a trained professional, Saltz says.

 Attribution;

•  LIVESTRONG.COM
• Dr Tammy Nelson: Redefining Your Relationship After Infedility
• Jane Greer, PH.D: What about Me? Stop Selfishness fron Running Your Relationship 
• Ginnie Love, PH.D -Psychotherapist
• Gali Saltz, M.D- Psychiatrist , New York Pschoanalytic Institution; (Author Of  The Power Of Difference)
• Dr Wendy O' Connor
• Erika Boissiere (Marriage and Family Therapist) 
• Dr Fran Walfish - (Beverly Hill Family & Relationship Psychotherapist )
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